Overcoming Doubts About the Devil

"he never sleeps, but ever goes about seeking whom he may devour" Thomas A Kempis, "Of The Imitation of Christ".

I don't remember when I stopped believing there was a Lucifer. It wasn't that I had proof of his non-existance, or that I had any specific reason, but I am certain I stopped. And any temptations, any troubles which might have been attributed to him (and there were a lot) were explained away with a casual "this is what happens". And to be honest, I have to admit I found some of the temptations quite enticing. Yeah, crazy, I know. Recurring motif.



So now - I don't know how to go from non-belief to possible belief, let alone full acceptance of the idea. There are things I believed in at one point in my life that have subsequently fallen onto the non-belief pile. And I don't believe anything on that list has ever made it back to the belief column. Even harder is listening to people attribute things to the devil, and struggling with the whole concept of understanding their conviction. Because I do not doubt their belief - I merely wish I had it.



There are some that belief the devil's greatest tactic is convincing us that he does not exist. That makes tremendous sense. It gives me pause to think that might have been what happened with me. Of course, that's today's thought. The shifts in my thinking as I have been returning to my Catholic roots scare me. One day things make perfect sense in a linear A-B-C kind of a way. And then, a new thought, a new idea, sends me scrambling.



I know some people who are so black and white on matters of faith. For them, things fall on this side, or that side, of some Christ inspired line of demarcation. I envy their clarity of thought. I might not necessarily agree with everything they say, but they have my utmost respect because they come at life with a soldly anchored belief structure. For me, a majority of things come with shades of gray.